I was asking myself a lot of questions this past few days and now I have realized the unending truths in my life, that I am: just an option and not a priority, being always taken for granted, people are around because I am convenient for them, and always being left alone and those who says they care are morons that doesn’t know that to care is a verb and not just a noun to define. I always tell myself, “quality and not quantity”, but it seems that I am living in an era that kindness are just things of an ancient past. I don’t need to hear or learn a word which says “I am just here”, when in the nights it feels like there is a knife scratching my chest and no one is even bothering their selves to ask when they are most needed.
I always do my best, but I think, no matter what I do, since I was a kid, my mistakes are much more a focal point than to my achievements and efforts; that my kindness at all are nothing because of a few mistakes. If love covers all mistakes, I guess I am just so hard to love. I know that I deserve better, but even a half-baked treatment of kindness is not even given to me. I am so sad, and these thoughts are killing me and pains my heart so hard. I just wanted to disappear right now. This is too much.